allonlinenovel Chapter 266 Facing Sin
Chapter 266 Facing Sin
Beep—beep, beep—beep.
"...Hey, can you hear me?"
The tile, with its cold indifference, pierced his fingertips, slowly separating him from his flesh beneath his skin. Kurokawa Kagemitsu heard the "tile" pressed against his ear speaking to him:
"External perception is good, and the synchronization rate of the psychoanalytic system codenamed 'Cocoon' is normal."
The dazzling incandescent light shone directly into my eyes, causing my pupils to dilate.
Kurokawa Kagemitsu felt he should be thinking about something, but for some reason, he couldn't feel his own existence at all.
Thoughts are stuck in a passive state.
Perhaps from now on, I can stop thinking forever and never have to face suffering again.
[...Is that really what you think?]
...
"...Jingguang? Relax and sit down. Let's continue with the last session."
As consciousness returned from drowsiness, Morobushi Kagemitsu lowered his head and gently squeezed his small, round fingers, unique to children, together.
"What's wrong?" The psychologist, sitting opposite me with the light behind him, asked, somewhat puzzled.
"nothing!"
Seven-year-old Zhu Fujingguang shook his head, kicked his legs and climbed onto the lift chair to continue receiving today's treatment.
"Then let's do it the same way as before and start by going through your childhood memories that had the biggest impact on you?"
The boy, supporting himself on the chair with both hands, recalled while irregularly swinging his legs:
"The memory that impressed me the most was when I was in the first grade of elementary school, when I witnessed my parents being murdered. The doorbell rang suddenly and urgently, and my father had no choice but to put down his chopsticks and tell us to eat first while he went to open the door to greet the guests."
Not long after, the sound of my father arguing with a man could be heard outside the door. Judging from their tone of voice, they were probably acquaintances.
My worried mother finally put down her chopsticks and peeked out. Just then, she heard my father groan in pain outside the door. In a panic, she immediately shoved me into the closet and told me not to go out under any circumstances.
Before long, the smell of blood filled the air, and the mother's voice faded away.
The doctor thoughtfully made a note in the medical record, then twirled his pen and continued to ask, "Did you see the killer's face at the time?"
The boy was silent for a moment, then nodded and hesitated before shaking his head: "I saw it... but I fainted after seeing it, and when I woke up, I couldn't remember what the killer looked like."
Do you remember what we had for dinner that day?
"Dinner that day was prepared by Mom, as usual. My brother was away at summer camp, so there were only three of us at home, and the meal wasn't very elaborate..."
The delicious aroma of the dishes wafted to his nose. His mother's cooking was always exceptional, but he couldn't recall exactly what was served that day. Based on his recollection, two dishes were just so-so, and one he didn't like.
"There was a dish of natto mixed with lettuce that was really hard to swallow. I just couldn't swallow that slippery texture no matter what I did, and my father scolded me for being a picky eater."
"I see." The doctor in the police uniform looked straight at him. "So you deliberately didn't tell your father about your premonition and let him go to open the door alone, right?"
"...?"
Seeing the blank look on his youthful face, the doctor naturally propped his chin up and repeated clearly, word by word, "You said that you heard the 'urgently ringing bell,' which means you had already sensed something was wrong, but you still did nothing."
“Introversion and doubt are not excuses. If you truly love your parents, even if there is a possibility of unfounded worries, why not speak up and remind them? If you had reminded your father, who was unarmed at the time, perhaps the murder would not have happened.”
Many tragedies in the world are like this.
Even the slightest deflection could avert a life-altering disaster. People have countless opportunities to change their circumstances and countless hours to improve themselves before misfortune strikes.
Saying something sincere can win someone back; diligent and honest practice can get you into a better school; taking a pet or family member who might be unwell to the vet in advance.
But most of these serendipitous opportunities to happiness vanish due to moments of laziness and inaction.
—The same is true of Morofushi Kagemitsu; he was one of the sinners who turned a blind eye to misfortune.
"The one who is wrong is the criminal who killed my parents. I was just a child at the time, just a victim who didn't understand anything!"
Morofushi Kagemitsu covered his face in agitation, jumped off the chair, and tried to find a way out for treatment.
Of course he knew that what the doctor said was absolutely outrageous!
What kind of doctor distorts responsibility and fault, and blames the victim?
But soon, a doubt crept into his heart and asked... Was he really without any fault?
"Jingguang, have you thought carefully about why you only remember the dishes you hate to eat?" Even though the patient wanted to escape, the doctor's voice was still so compassionate.
A low, whirring tinnitus suddenly began to compress the nerves behind my temples.
"Did you know that in some cases, bystanders who do nothing and evade reality are also accomplices?"
In psychology, the moments that are most vividly remembered reflect what one's subconscious was most concerned about at that time. The memory you have of unpalatable food likely reflects your childhood resentment towards your mother's indifference.
The concept of good and evil in children is frightening. Before their values are fully formed, their actions are entirely based on their personal likes and dislikes. The murderer and the parents are both adults. During the long struggle, you have ample opportunity to remember the murderer's name and appearance, and to clear your parents' name.
But in reality, all you've done is run away.
"You used mental illness to escape interrogation as a child, comfortably enjoyed being cared for by relatives far from your hometown, avoided conflicts and acted as a peacemaker during your time at the police academy, and avoided the chance to survive while infiltrating the Black Organization, leaving all your resentment and pain to Rei Furuya."
Kuromon Haruya calmly pulled on his pure white rubber gloves, lowered his eyes, and whispered softly in Morofushi Kagemitsu's ear:
“You abandoned the living who stayed in reality, overcoming their suffering to protect you, and cowardly, even impatiently, rushed into the embrace of death.”
Katsumitsu Kurokawa, kneeling blankly in the center of the testing ground, was pale and his body trembled uncontrollably.
The doctor's words were like a sharp knife, mercilessly ripping open the deep wounds in his heart. He felt suffocated, as if an invisible hand was tightly gripping his throat.
"No...that's not it..." he managed to squeeze out, his voice hoarse and trembling, "I...I just..."
"Just what?" Kuromon Haruya interrupted him, his eyes sharp as an eagle's. "Just fear? Just helplessness? Or just... simply not caring?"
Kurokawa Kagemitsu couldn't answer. He knew the fear and helplessness he felt at the time, but he also knew that those escapes and surrenders were indeed a part of him. He couldn't deny it, nor could he escape it.
"Jingguang." A cold scalpel was handed to him. The doctor's voice was deep and magnetic, resonating with the listener. "If you really want to atone for your sins, then end this filthy and despicable version of yourself with your own hands."
"Today is the day you are reborn."
"I can't help it," Kuromon Haruya coaxed softly, subtly turning the tip of his knife toward Kurokawa Kagemitsu's throat.
"After accepting reconciliation, you will gain a perfect, brand-new self, a new name. You will rise from the ashes of the past Morofushi Kagemitsu and make amends for the regrets he caused."
Now, the opportunity is in your hands. If you feel guilty, wash it away with your own blood.